Unforgivable Situation
by Neon Rouge
Summary: For JayleeJ's competition. Sometimes, people will make impossible demands and order them to be met. Neji learns the real meaning of 'hard work.' Crackfic, Oneshot. Sometimes, your family really can be the death of you...


**A/N: **_Done for my idol JayleeJ's competion, choice no.5 : Neji's epic search for curly fries._

_I am enjoying this crackiness severely, I don't think it can be too good for the fics..._

_Reviews be appreciated. Even ones which just say things like 'hehe, funneh.'_

**Disclaimer: **_This can't be healthy..._

_If it is in italics it is probably a thought, or used to emphasise something._

_Flashbacks may also be a possibility._

_Not. Not._

* * *

"NEJI!!" Came the horrendously loud bellow from Hyuuga Hiashi's room. His fellow clan-member, Hyuuga Neji, rushed to his bedroom suit after the shout had been issued, nervous and eager to meet his never-ending demands and expectations as a branch family member.

"Hyuuga Neji, reporting for duty!" Neji said stiffly from the doorway of his over-slept uncle, his body standing straight and rigid; anyone who didn't know him well enough would have poked him repeatedly, probably wondering how life-like the Hyuuga statue was.

"Why did you not wake me up at 5:30 for training, as usual, instead of leaving me to sleep in until noon?" Hiashi questioned his nephew with a hand gesturing to the alarm clock on the table beside his (King-sized) bed, a vein visibly pulsing in his temple. Neji sweat-dropped and stiffened, even though he was already stiff enough to be easily mistaken for a sculpture.

"Simply for the reason that you had stayed up till 1 A.M. the previous night. So I thought it unwise to wake you fom your slumber once you actually went to bed." Neji was interrupted from his meaningless babble by an impatient sigh and a few words from his uncle.

"Regardless of what happened. It seems that it is now lunch time and since I have not eaten anything all day and had promised to take Hanabi to try this famous 'fast food.' I would like you to purchase me two cheeseburgers with curly fries on the side." Hiashi said submissively, oblivious to Neji's alarmed expression as he made a dismissive gesture at him.

Neji left the doorway and closed the double doors behind him, his face stricken with a panicked expression and his entire body shaking.

How could he buy this so-called 'fast food'? And more importantly _where _would he buy it?

* * *

After supposedly fifteen minutes of waiting, the answer hit Neji like a ton of bricks. It was just so _simple, _he wondered why it didn't dawn on him until he wasted so much precious time.

And here was his solution: Tenten.

His eccentric team-mate, who, as it was known in team Gai very well, loved to shovel down unhealthy tidbits and meals. Even though this was expected, her having no family, no last name, no history and all...

The viewers have now recieved the point.

Tenten would surely help guide him in his epic search for cheeseburgers, and these so-called curly fries.

I mean, why wouldn't she?

* * *

She couldn't do this to him, she just _couldn't._

This was crucial to his survival as a branch family member, did she not know this??

"Not on your life." The brunette granted him her solid decision curtly, turning back to her unfinished hotdog and downing it in mere seconds.

"But," Neji protested in a whiny voice, his eyes wide with hope and a pleading look inside their pupil-less irises. "I _need _your help, Tenten, I can't do this on my own."

"I said _no."_

"But-"

"Sorry," Tenten said, her voice not in the least apologetic, she wiped the grease and sauce from her mouth with the back of her hand. "I already promised Lee that I would help him train, I can't have him babble on about youth again." She got up with a sigh and left the unused training ground, leaving Neji a gaping mess, all on his own to figure things out for himself.

* * *

Neji stood in the spot were his 'loyal' team-mate had left him, a quivering and dishevelled wreck who's uncle and cousin were deprived of their junk food.

After approximately five minutes, Neji wondered into town, wandering around the streets aimlessly.

Until...He met Naruto along the way.

"Oi, Neji!" Hollered the very blonde Uzumaki from inside a ramen stall.

Neji spent five seconds scrutinizing the ramen stall (which, as he found out, was named 'Ichiraku Ramen' for some stupid and unfathomable reason) before pushing aside the stall's drapes and finding a stool next to Naruto where he sat down. "Naruto." He greeted with a nod of his solemn head.

That was the moment that the bowl of Miso ramen decided to be ready and find itself a place on the bar in front on Naruto, who rubbed his hands eagerly and devoured the hole bowl before the smell had a chance to waft to Neji's nostrils. That was also the moment that Neji's stomach growled in protest of it's lack of food, the Hyuuga remembered that he had not eaten a morsel of food that day.

"Naruto?" Neji prodded the latter on his orange-clad back, later washing his hands feverishly after remembering the effect that orange clothing had on him.

"Hmm?" Naruto looked up at his mention (and the prod, which had _hurt_), whilst chewing on the ramen noodles still remaining in his mouth.

"Where can I umm..." Neji looked away with his face flushed, not really knowing how to put this degrading question. "Purchase a pair of those so-called cheeseburgers and these abominations known as curly fries?"

"You wanna whoza the whatza?" Naruto said in confusion, scratching his blonde head sheepishly for a few seconds before adding, "_Dude, _for the love of ramen stop talking like a freaking robot."

"Never once in my life have I ever heard such an idiotic statement, we are leaving." Naruto looked panicked for a second as he hadn't payed yet. Neji sighed and allowed the blonde a few moments to hand the stall owner a ramen token.

"_Now_." The Hyuuga said curtly, grabbing hold of Naruto's arm and dragging him off his stool and into the street in search of curly fries.

Naruto mumbled something incoherent under his breath that sounded like '_fucking robot...'_

* * *

"So..." Naruto drawled, checking his fingernails absentmindedly as Neji continued to drag him through the streets of Konoha with no apparent destination. Neji looked back at him with a somewhat expectant glare in his white eyes. "Why don't we head to KFC? They're bound to have junk food. I mean, It's the only thing they sell."

Neji nodded his head and continued to drag Naruto in the same direction they were going before. Naruto tugged Neji's hand off the scruff of his jacket and hauled himself off the ground. He grabbed hold of Neji's hair and pointed in the opposite direction, Neji's sent him a well-aimed glare.

"It's _that _way, idiot."

Naruto and Neji continued on their way as if nothing happened at all, leaving a vast group of dumbfounded konoha citizens in their wake.

* * *

Our unfortunate duo arrived at the 'restaurant' after five minutes of chakra-boosted running, evidently, they were both exhausted. Naruto and Neji now stood in the queue, Naruto panting and Neji agitated after noting the amounf of people in front of them and deciding that they would have to endure the long wait.

"Finally!" Naruto exclaimed when they reached the front of the queue. He eyed the salesgirl before flashing her a mischeavous smirk. "Hey-" He then proceded to attempt at subtle flirtation only to later earn a hard bonk on the head from a still agitated Neji.

"Idiot, you are already dating someone." He hissed at Naruto, who was now rolling about on the floor cradling the large bump forming on the crown of his head, much to the entertainment of several children. "My _cousin._"

The salesgirl glared at them both incredously, "How may I help you?" She hissed, angered at the disruption the two teenage ninjas had caused.

"Two cheeseburgers and curly fries on the side, please." Neji said curtly, not knowing the exact prices and then dumping the only money note he had with him; a 2,000,000 ryou note.

The salesgirl gaped at the green paper in her hand, then turning her gaze towards Neji and looking at him like he had just fallen from heaven.

"I-I'm Sorry..." She stumbled along her words as though unsure of what to say.

"Hn?"

"But it appeares that this is too much money, I don't have enough here to give you any change. I'm afraid that you will ahve to go and exchange this for a smaller amount of money."

Now it was Neji's turn to gape at her. "What?" He growled, fingers drumming a nonexistent rhyme on the surface of the counter impatiently.

"I think I have made myself quite clear." The brunette salesgirl no longer sounded unsure of her words, she crossed her arms on her chest and eyed the convulsing Naruto warily. "so exchange the money and come back here later."

Neji nodded, hauled Naruto onto his shoulders and headed out of KFC.

"Hey, WAIT! That's the back door-"

Naruto was found a day later, having been apparently beaten unconscious and then tied, gagged and thrown into a dumpster.

* * *

Neji went back into KFC, having exchanged the two million ryou note for a measly ten ryou with a local beggar, who was more than happy to make the trade. Seeign as he then ripped off his patched up jacket and whirled it above his head hollering "I'M RICH! I'M FILTHY RICH!!"

Ahem.

Anyways, as we were saying, Neji re-entered KFC and charged right up to the salesgirl with a righteous smirk plastered on his face. He proceded to skip the entire queue, much to the people's protests, and slammed down the ten ryou down on the counter.

"Can I _Please _get those cheeseburgers and curly fries now?" the Hyuuga prodigy demanded.

The salesgirl cocked her head to the side and looked at him oddly. "I'm sorry but-"

"_What now?" _Neji seethed, angered to have wasted so much time on this search (which is no longer epic, sorry peeps.)

"It appears that we are all out of curly fries." She smiled by default, pushing the ten ryou note back at him which Neji took with a blank look on his face.

Neji almost fainted, but unfortunately for him, the woman in front of him didn't seem willing to allow him to retire just as yet. "But..." Neji stood upright, she smirked. "There _is _an alternative..."

Neji looked at her thankfully. "Anything. I'll do _anything."_

The smirk widened, "Just tell me how you get you hair so smooth and silky! It's just, like, so amazing!"

This time Neji really did faint.

* * *

"Neji-san." Neji looked up at his uncle's bored monotone, gulping at the incredulous look on Hiashi's face.

"Yes, Hiashi-sama?" Neji did not make eye-contact, eye-contact was crucial, it simply wasn't an option for our proud Hyuuga Neji, it showed weakness and implied-

"What," Hiashi growled in dissaprovel and pointed an unforgiving finger at the side salad Neji had brought aside his uncle's cheeseburger, his brow creased in a scowl, Neji's brain told him to run; he payed no heed. "Is _this_?"

Neji gulped and averted his eyes, the pupil-less orbs dancing to meet the similar ones of Hiashi Hyuuga.

_Well, shit._

"That, is salad, Hiashi-sama. The edible object you are pointing at consists of: freshly-washed lettuce leaves, sliced tomatoes and-" However, unfortunate as this may seem, Neji never got to finish his sentence.

To this day, Hiashi would not be able to explain how Neji had escaped.

* * *

**A/N: **_Probably the most hialrous thing I have ever written._

_As mentioned previously, reviews are greatly appreciated._

_Bye nowz,_

_Pinky._

_P.s. I'll be updating An intricatly woven relationship soon, look out for it!_


End file.
